Separation anxiety

George panicked whenever I left his sight. I tried leaving the room briefly and quickly returning but his panic and distress were immediate. In hindsight, given he was such a young puppy, I shouldn't have even been trying to leave him in the early stages.

But it's hard on your own. When he wasn't toilet-trained, I was reluctant to have him trailing me around the house (plus he was too little for the stairs and put anything and everything in his mouth).

During those early weeks, I didn't have a moment to myself. The house was a tip, I was barely sleeping and I was eating very unhealthily, if at all. See Puppy Blues!

Crate training was going OK although I didn't leave him alone in the crate during the day. We played crate games and he was happy to spend time in there.

He slept in the crate overnight (he had done this at the breeders) and would do OK some nights but would wake me every couple of hours on other nights. I resisted him sleeping on my bed for a long time (around 9 months) until both of us getting decent sleep became more important than anything else. I wish I had 'given in' sooner. I had mistakenly thought that it might make his separation anxiety worse but have since learned that there is no evidence to support that.

George's distress seemed more extreme than what you might expect from 'normal' puppy behaviour. It was easier not to leave him so he became my little shadow. I started reading a lot about separation anxiety, isolation distress and hyper-attachment. There is a lot of information out there and it was hard to know what to do for the best.

At around 6 months, I worked with a trainer (who came recommended) to develop a plan to help. The trainer advised me to leave him in the crate for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening for 10 days.

This is the biggest mistake I have made during our journey.

This did not help George at all and quite probably caused some damage. All it taught him was that I would not respond to his distress, that his crate is not a safe space and that being alone is terrifying. It likely damaged the trust in our relationship.

As I continued to research how I could help George, I came across this wonderful Facebook group: Dog Separation Anxiety Support with Julie Naismith and Julie Naismith's protocol: https://julienaismith.com/category/be-right-back/. I ordered Julie's book and this immediately felt like the right approach.

I finally realised it is a panic disorder and he is not going to just 'get over it'.

One of the hardest things in separation anxiety is coming to terms with the fact that you can't leave your dog alone (outside of the training). Ever.

I was pretty much doing this anyway but realising it was essential was quite confronting. They recommend using sitters/neighbours/friends/daycare (if suitable for your dog) - whatever possible to avoid your dog being alone and going over threshold.

I get everything delivered and have to get petrol etc between work and daycare pick-up. Everything has to be carefully planned. I have to book annual leave to get a haircut when George is in daycare. Understanding friends have to come to us.

We started the training using the free resources on the website. By this stage, George's reactivity had kicked in and I was finding it overwhelming. I couldn't leave him and I couldn't take him with me. It was very isolating.

I found it hard to get motivated with the separation anxiety training. George's reactivity was taking all of my focus and energy. So we put it on the back burner for a while.

When I started working with the VB and trainer, we kickstarted the separation training again using the same protocol. This time I was accountable to the trainer (who would set the timings and provide advice) which was incredibly helpful.

Now we are still using the app which helps keep me accountable. We did have a couple of weeks break recently as my parents came to visit and I am finding it slightly hard to restart. It can be hard to find the right conditions to train - George needs to be calm enough and rested but awake.

The medication has been helpful too although it is not sufficient on its own.  I think it is allowing us to progress slightly faster than we might have done, particularly at the stage when George panicked if I was anywhere near the door.

As George gains confidence, his independence in the home is starting to improve too. Julie's Magic Mat training helps support this. I was amazed the first time he decided to lie in the sunshine in the garden by himself.

After putting the crate away for a few months, I recently got it out again ahead of my parents visit to give George a space for him to retreat to if he chose. He now uses it most days but I never close the door.

I don't use the crate for separation training. I read that most dogs who suffer from separation anxiety also struggle with confinement anxiety. Now that he is older and can be trusted more, George definitely does better with some space to roam.

We are now up to 7 minutes 8 seconds. Which sounds like nothing but to us is a whole world away from where we were.

We are still only training at the time most likely to set us up for success which for George is evening time. George finds mornings difficult and still sits in the bathroom while I have a shower.

I just need to keep motivated to keep going. It can be a long road but it really does work.

I still feel ashamed of what I put George through during those 10 days. Luckily, our bond is strong.