Having my own dog has been my dream my entire life. It took me a long time to get a home with a small garden. Finally, I was in a position to live my dream.
I had visions of my new best friend and I embarking on adventures, exploring, hiking, going to beaches, cafes, road trips…living our best lives. When it became apparent that my best friend struggled with anxiety, and later with reactivity, everything had to shift.
It took me a while to come to terms with it. The best advice I read was to allow yourself time and space to grieve the dog/life you had dreamed of. Recognise that it is sad and difficult. And love the dog you have, not the one you expected to get.
My love for George has never been in doubt - it is limitless! But it was frustrating and upsetting that he was struggling with 'normal' dog activities.
The adjustment of my expectations was gradual. The dream became a little smaller. Maybe he's not a café dog, we'll just explore new places together and go on hikes. And then it became smaller again. New places are difficult so maybe we'll just stick to a few places. And then smaller again. All walks are now difficult. Leaving the house is difficult. Going in the garden is difficult. As George was constantly stressed, it was obvious we needed help.
I was really sad that we were both not living a fun and relaxed life. I loved George but wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to be different.
At the height of George's struggles when I was feeling particularly low, I had a dream one night that I swapped George for a non-anxious dog. In my dream, I immediately regretted it and I was distraught. I was desperately trying to find him and get him back to no avail. I woke up in a panic, drenched with sweat. I reached over and felt George sleeping next to me and the relief I felt that it wasn't real was huge. I gave him the biggest hug.
He's my George and I wouldn't change him for the world. But I will strive for him to have a happy life, whatever that might look like for him.
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