I doubt myself often. I was so relieved when the VB acknowledged the mental load of doing it by yourself during our first meeting - I felt so understood!
When you're doing it by yourself (and sometimes if you're not), each and every decision is on you. It's a lot.
These questions constantly run through my mind:
- Are the meds making him too sleepy?
- Should he be on meds at all?
- Should I try a walk today?
- Should he have a rest day?
- Is he having too many treats?
- Does he seem happy?
- Is he resting enough?
- Is he resting too much?
- Am I doing enough enrichment?
- Is he too attached to me?
- Am I doing the right things?
- Is it my fault?
And guilty feelings:
- Would he do better in a family environment? Maybe he wouldn't be so attached to me?
- If it wasn't just me, managing and avoiding triggers would be easier and maybe he would be happier?
- If there was more than one person, maybe he wouldn't need to spend as much time in daycare?
My more rational mind:
- Or he might get hyper-attached to one family member anyway, and families wouldn't necessarily have the same mental and actual time to devote to an anxious dog (I genuinely don't know how people with kids do it).
- Managing triggers is undoubtedly easier with more than one person but I can still manage his environment.
- I have found a good daycare and George does well there. It has really helped with his confidence. It's better than him panicking alone.
I sometimes feel sorry for myself carrying the mental load by myself. It's a lot to constantly be deciding by yourself what the right thing to do is.
But I've also read stories about families not being on the same page. It's so hard to know what to do, it's not surprising that there are differing opinions. If I had a partner/family member closely involved, they might not agree with the overall approach. What if they didn't agree with medication? What if they didn't help?
So I will say that on reflection and despite the mental load at times, I am comfortable with having all of the say rather than some of the say 😀 Like loving the dog you have rather than the one you expected to have, I should aim to be grateful for the situation I'm in rather than the one I might have been in.
And that's why it's so important to have a team around you if you can - I am very grateful to our vet behaviourist and trainer for their ongoing advice!