I attended a webinar recently with Stephie Guy from The Calmer Canines Academy as part of the Love in Action Summit hosted by Marilyn Mele.
The topic was “Helping dogs feel safe home alone: a heart-centred approach to separation struggles”.
There were a few key takeaways for me from the discussion as well as some reinforcing concepts.
Stephie emphasised that trust is the foundation of everything. We need to stop doing things that break that trust. Stop sneaking out which can create panic and hypervigilance. Stop forcing them to have alone time which teaches them that their feelings don’t matter.
If your dog is panicking, stop training and soothe their nervous system. She advised that behaviour changes happen when we meet their needs.
Stephie emphasised that every dog has the right to feel emotionally safe. We need to ask why they don’t feel safe. They will have trauma, even if that is just being left alone. We need to look at how we can help them – where is that pain and trauma (physical/emotional) – rather than just focusing on training.
She cautioned against a rigid training schedule advising to take the pressure of yourself and take the pressure off your dog, and to look at things holistically.
This all rang true with my current thinking – perhaps with the exception of not following a rigid training schedule.
There were a couple of new concepts/ideas I really liked.
Don’t gaslight your dog. Don’t tell them that there’s nothing there when there probably is.
I am guilty of this! I am constantly telling George it’s fine or there’s nobody there. There probably is – I just can’t see or hear them.
I recall reading/hearing something the other day (I can’t remember where from unfortunately) about being careful about using “It’s OK.” Only say this when you are 100% sure that it is actually OK. I say it all the time. For George, that dog being over there is not necessarily OK. I need to save it for the occasions when I know for sure that nothing is going to happen or it loses his power.
Stephie also talked about how having conversations with your dog can help them feel safe. They are your friend and family member – why would you not talk to them.
That is something I am good at! I talk to him all the time 😆
She advised that not knowing the plan can be anxiety-inducing and trying to work it out uses a lot of brain power. She recommended talking to your dog on walks and explaining if you are going left and right for example.
I can relate to this – I am a planner and I get anxious not knowing the plan! Imagine not even being able to ask or make your own plan…
All in all, it was a really useful discussion.
I need to now stop gaslighting my dog, tune in to how George is feeling, take the pressure off us both, and keep those conversations going.