Regardless of whether you have a dog with anxiety, I'm sure every dog owner has received unsolicited advice on what they should be doing differently.
When we were first dealing with George's struggles, it happened to me on nearly every walk. It probably still would if we didn't do everything possible to avoid people.
People would tell me I need to be firmer, I need to be the alpha, I need to expose him to more triggers, etc etc.
At that stage I didn't know I needed to increase the distance for George ASAP. My innate politeness would make me stay and listen (although not agree).
One particular walk has stuck in my mind. George wasn't even reactive at that stage but I was letting him have a sniff around on the lead. A man (with his dog wearing a prong collar) proceeded to walk alongside me explaining how I am doing it all wrong, that he trains military dogs and that I need to be firm and keep George on a very short leash, walking at my heel at all times.
Even before I learned more about the power of sniffing, that goes against everything I believe in for a happy, fulfilled dog. His dog was walking perfectly to heel but didn't look like he was enjoying the walk in the slightest.
The man and his dog accompanied us for quite some time whilst continuing a constant monologue of his advice.
I was very aware of my surroundings at that point. It was before George started displaying reactive behaviours, and we were on a narrow trail (which he would now be terrified of) through a fairly deserted forest.
I didn't want to voice an alternative opinion in such an isolated spot. I just wanted him to leave us alone.
Eventually I pretended to take a phone call which gave us some space. Luckily my bluff wasn't called...as there is no phone reception in the forest.
That was a more memorable example but there have been many more, particularly once George started barking and lunging at other dogs and people. Obviously he was on leash and I was creating as much space as possible but I'd still be told I should be doing everything differently.
Or they tell you it's ok for their dog to approach your on-leash dog because "he's friendly".
My friend handled this excellently the other day. We were walking our two dogs on the leash on a quiet beach. An off-leash dog was approaching (slowly and calmly) and the owner could see us watching. She shouted over "It's ok, he's friendly". My friend shouted back "He's not!" pointing at George. Short and effective and got the point across. The owner immediately retrieved their dog. Luckily in that situation both the dog and owner were respectful and paying attention to the situation but we're not always that lucky.
Separation anxiety is another area where I have received a huge amount of unsolicited advice. There is a popular understanding that dogs should be left to "get over it" and that I am coddling him by not leaving him alone.
I understand why people would think that. I didn't know what to do either. I even engaged a trainer who gave me what I now realise is poor (and potentially damaging) advice (see Separation anxiety).
Once I realised I was dealing with a panic disorder, I realised that leaving him alone is not going to result in a happy, confident dog.
We also shouldn't assume every dog and situation should be approached in the same way. What worked for my dog might not work for others. That's why it's so helpful to work individually with a force-free trainer (and VB if needed) if you can.
And I am still learning a lot on this journey. A lot of what I thought was good advice having grown up with dogs is no longer the case as understanding of dog behaviour has grown and evolved.
Although I never thought fear and pain are a good idea. It is hard to stomach that advice.
As I have learned more about fear and reactivity, I am much more understanding when I see dogs struggling. In the past, I would have thought they were just badly trained and/or poorly socialised.
Although I won't give the owners unsolicited advice, I'll give them understanding and space.
I do think the advice, whilst forcefully expressed at times, is generally well-meaning. At times, it was probably obvious that, as well as George, I was having a really hard time, both with reactivity and separation anxiety, and people were trying to help.
So I try to take the advice as well-intended and just advise them thanks, I am working with a trainer.
In contrast, my close friends and family only offer advice if I ask for it. They know I am deep in the anxious dog world and am working with professionals so they don't assume they know better. They offer support rather than dog behaviour advice for which I am very grateful.
The purpose of this blog is to share what is working for us (and what has not) along our journey not providing advice to other situations. I'll leave that to the professionals.