I attended a really interesting webinar recently with Ness Jones (of Separation Anxiety Decoded) and Jessie Kaspar (of Mindful Methods Companion Coaching.
The focus was how challenging it can be for caregivers of pets with behavioural issues. It really hit home for me.
I am incredibly grateful that it could always be worse of course. I have the utmost respect for those dealing with bite histories and very aggressive behaviour. They talked about how it is similar to being in an abusive relationship with your dog displaying Jekyll and Hyde behaviours.
But even for the less extreme behaviours, it was validating that others recognise how hard it is. The isolation, the embarrassment, the frustration, the exhaustion, the impact on your entire life.
They talked about the Zarit burden interview for caregivers which researchers have adapted for caregivers of pets with behavioural issues.
The questions ask caregivers to assess the frequency with which they experience the stressful or negative implications of caregiving. The questions cover the subjective (feelings of guilt, anger, helplessness etc) and the objective (impact on health, financial, social etc).
They gave a couple of examples which I am paraphrasing. Has your social life been impacted? Umm yes, massively. Your work? Yes. Financial? Absolutely. Do you feel embarrassed about your pet's behaviour? Yes but I'm working on it.
A score of higher than 18 indicates some burden and a score higher than 31 indicates significant burden.
I have been trying to get a copy of the questionnaire without success. If anyone knows how to access it, please let me know!
Although in some ways, perhaps it is best not to know the exact score...
I'm aware that it is a significant burden. Hearing that from others was actually helpful.
It was noted that chronic pain and exhaustion can be an issue for both the dog and the caregiver in these situations.
So what can you do about it?
I have learned a lot about making sure George has stress holidays. In this webinar I learned that this should be applied to the caregiver too. Experiencing overwhelming stress every day needs to be avoided - for both the human and the dog. Take a break from activities that neither of you enjoy.
This was reassuring to me. I often feel guilty when I decide George is having a rest day. I ask myself…is that what he really needs or is it mainly that I don't want to have to deal with it? It is actually OK if I feel it is too much for me on that day. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective before.
Like slowly introducing George to triggers, I need to build my own confidence in my handling skills: take deep breaths, don't tighten the leash etc.
Self-care: do something that is not dog-centric, something that is just for yourself.
I struggle with this one. My 'down time' often involves reading or researching behavioural advice, writing my blog, logging reactions, training with George. It's easy for your whole world to be consumed by it so it's important to take some time out. It's a bit difficult when you can't leave the house of course.
They said that their clients often feel very guilty that they are not doing enough for their dog. They talked about letting go of guilt and recognising that you're doing the best you can.
I really appreciated this statement (and I'm paraphrasing again): If you can only bring 50% to the table today, and you bring 100% of that, then you are doing the absolute best you can.
It does feel relentless sometimes and nobody can give 100% every single day.
They talked about the importance of recognising and celebrating the little wins, and the power of positive self-talk: You are enough, and you are doing a good job.
I found it a really useful session. Having others recognise how hard it can be made me feel less isolated, and I learned some useful tools to help ease that burden.
The recording is available here: You, Your Dog, and the Anxiety in the Room with Jessie Kaspar