Another fantastic webinar as part of the recent Love in Action Summit hosted by Marilyn Mele was ‘Supporting a reactive dog’ with Jay Gurden.
I related to this webinar so much!
Jay’s journey with their dog Finn was very similar to my journey with George – from signs of nervousness, trying to socialise well, a dog attack with no physical injuries, stumbling across the term ‘reactivity’ and now learning so much about supporting these special dogs and discovering a whole new community.
So much so that after completing the additional ‘Learning from my reactive dog’ webinar, I reached out to Jay to let them know and got a lovely response.
Jay talked about letting your dog lead where possible; for example, letting them sit and watch if they want to.
You don’t have to micromanage everything they do. Give them the chance to work it out.
I need to get better at this! I am so focused on creating distance and avoiding a reaction, I never give George a chance to work it out for himself.
Jay talked about imposter syndrome – how much reactive dog owners can blame themselves and doubt that we are doing the right thing for our dog. Again, so relatable for me.
They noted that it is impossible to pinpoint exactly why reactivity occurs, and it is unhelpful to blame ourselves.
Genetics are very important. They talked about how much she hates the saying “puppies are a blank slate” - one of the most damaging myths. It is basically saying that if something goes wrong, it must be something that you’ve done wrong.
I have felt this too. Similarly, when people say “there are no bad dogs, only bad owners.” That must mean I am a bad owner which is a horrible feeling.
I appreciated Jay saying that you may not get to where you want to be. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a fantastic life together.
They talked about trying to find acceptance after finding themselves unable to do “normal” dog things after having hopes and expectations of enjoying the world together. I have struggled with adjusting my expectations.
I really enjoyed Jay's take on the term ‘reactive’. Whilst useful as it encompasses a range of responses, it sounds like it is placing the blame on the dog which is completely unfair – no dog wants to feel stressed to the point that they feel they are fighting to survive.
Jay suggested better terms might be: complex, frightened, sensitive, traumatised, complicated, socially-challenged…
I love this! Those descriptors all describe George (as well as spicy 😆).
Jay advised that these complex dogs don’t need additional discipline. They need our patience, our protection, and our support as they learn how to relate to the world around them. They need us to advocate for them, to get them the help they need, to find the best combination of management and gentle, ethical behaviour modification for their particular needs.
Some final useful tips from Jay related to managing your own stress levels. They talked about developing a thicker skin. If anybody says anything, they don’t matter. You are doing what is good for your dog.
I am still working on this…
They explained that not transmitting stress down the lead has come with practice and experience. Jay is so used to watching for triggers, she can see everything earlier, can plan, and have an escape route.
I am very used to watching for triggers (I even do it when George isn’t with me!) but I still need to work on not transmitting my stress down the lead.
And finally, although our complicated dogs look like they want to attack when barking and lunging, they really just want the scary thing to go away so that they can feel safe.